Being fearless is stupid

It’s Halloween today, so I figured I’d share a few reflections on fear. 

We’re often presented with this idea that to be our best, or to do great things, we need to be “fearless.” As though fearlessness is some great virtue.

I’d argue the opposite: 

Being fearless is stupid..

Remember the No Fear brand in the 90s? 

A “No Fear” brand shirt. A company and brand that my 15 year-old-self thought was awesome.

That brand shaped a lot of my childhood, and - f$^k those guys. The concept of needing to be fearless in the face of any obstacle setup millions of people for failure or to feel like a failure, and usually both. Including a young me.

For one thing, fear is a protective mechanism. It’s part of our biology, and it helps keep us alive. Someone with no fear would not be a healthy person (and likely not alive very long.)

As explained in Smithsonian magazine, fear “leads to bodily changes that prepare us to be more efficient in a danger: The brain becomes hyperalert, pupils dilate, the bronchi dilate and breathing accelerates. Heart rate and blood pressure rise. Blood flow and stream of glucose to the skeletal muscles increase. Organs not vital in survival such as the gastrointestinal system slow down.”

In times of true threat, these biological reactions are essential. But that’s not all.  As the same article explains, fear is also closely tied with emotional states like excitement and anticipation. In the right context and with the right conditions, fear can be fun. (Cue horror movies and haunted houses.)

Fear is not only natural and essential, it’s human. Anyone who says they’re fearless at all times is either lying to you, or to themselves.

Or, frankly, someone you should be afraid of. Even psychopaths feel fear, they just don’t see danger, as highlighted in this fascinating piece by the American Psychological Association.

So - being fearless doesn’t really exist. Burying fear and pretending you’re not afraid isn’t actually having no fear. It’s burying it. Those two are quite different.

Rather than preach fearlessness, I’d rather practice courage.

As I’ve written about before, there were times bobsledding when I was so scared (especially early on) you could have shaken a martini in my hands. 

But, as my college sprint coach Mike "Mouse" Holloway used to say, "If you're scared, say you're scared." 

Which essentially meant: feel the fear and do it anyway. Acknowledge the fear, but don’t let it stop you. Standing at the top of the Olympic track in Whistler in 2010, only days after a luge athlete died on that same track, I certainly was cozy with the concept and feeling of fear. But not letting it change my behavior or thought process was something I learned over years of practice.

Interestingly, but not all that surprisingly, research suggests that courage can help buffer the effects of stress and fear on our mental health. 

In other words, when we actively practice courage, stressful situations can have fewer negative consequences to our wellbeing. 

But if we’re going to do anything courageous—even a small act that’s outside our comfort zone—first we have to feel the fear. 

We need to say hello to it, and then decide what we will do with it.

I think back to watching my daughter decide to go down her first true black diamond ski hill at the age of five years old. 

While we were on the hill she was scared and had to stop. I asked her if she was a afraid.

She said yes.

I then ask her: “What are our choices when we’re afraid?”

She said - “Stop or keep going.”

She wasn't fearless. It was scary. She acknowledged her fear, and then on her own she made the choice to keep going. Three minutes later she was sending me 100m downhill to turn around and video her.

I’ll take her courageous approach to acknowledge her fear and keep going over “fearlessness” any day.

– Steve