Beyond Platitudes: How True Goals Bring Real Satisfaction and Success to Ambition
If you’re looking for the bite-size read about True Goals to ignite the concept in your mind, read here.
Enjoy the journey, they say. I’ve said. That’s what really matters. That’s where the real big performers and doers focus. But what does that actually mean? Well, not so fast… for the real fuel for the short and long term, read on.
In the days following my team’s gold medal win at the Vancouver Olympics, the euphoria was undeniable. We’d ended a 62-year drought for our country, and the experience was unforgettable. I swam through cheering crowds to share tears with family, and rode a wave of recognition. We went from the medal ceremony and “opening for Usher” that night on stage, to TV appearances, to the cover of Sports Illustrated. I met the President, rode in F-16s, gave the Top Ten on Letterman and was given the key to my hometown. And then, gradually, it stopped.
The phone calls slowed, the appearances dwindled, and the attention shifted. Over time, I saw a pattern in sports and high achievement. About a year and a half after Vancouver, 3-time Olympic teammate, skier Jared “Speedy” Peterson, who had won his own silver medal just days before our gold, walked into the mountains and took his own life. How could someone who’d accomplished so much feel that way? A few years later, I spoke at podiums remembering my gold medal sledmate, Steven Holcomb, who lost his life to substance overdose. A few years after that, for Pavle Jovanovic, another sledmate, former roommate and best friend, who hadn’t medaled.
These tragic losses shook me. When people who reach their goals take their own lives, and those who don’t achieve their goals do the same, it raises a hard question: what is really happening here? In reflecting on my own experience, I realized this much—happiness isn’t solely about the goal or not the goal.
Looking back, I remember both the journey and the culmination. That celebratory moment was incredible, but it was a single day. The journey, however, spanned 15 years, full of sacrifice, discipline, and relentless work. Here’s the irony: while “enjoy the journey” is endlessly repeated, most of us, myself included, are thinking about the goal Every Single Day, All The Time.
The truth is that high achievers don’t just obsess over the journey or the Big Goal. It’s both.
Over the past few years, I discovered something powerful for myself. At first, I thought it was only something that could help me, but as I began coaching others and having deep conversations with friends, I saw that it could work for anyone. I call it the True Goal Principle.
The True Goal Principle is the idea that our Big Goals—our external goals getting the promotion, selling the company, or other major life milestones—are actually steps toward deeper, personal goals such as fulfillment, purpose, and connection. If we’re honest to ourselves, we’re striving for the Big Goal for what it will do for us.
The True Goal Principle says if we plan for these inner goals with as much focus and strategy as we do for outward success, we increase our chances of enjoying the journey, improving daily motivation and mental health, and achieving genuine fulfillment when we do reach that Big Goal.
Let’s be honest, it’s not easy. If it were, more people would be truly content with their lives and would be achieving big goals all over the place. But I’m convinced that approaching the True Goal Principle as seriously as we do our Big Goals sets us up for greater happiness. Consistently identifying and working on our True Goals fuels both short- and long-term motivation, grounds us daily, brings contentment to ordinary moments, and helps us avoid future disappointments.
Are We Chasing the Wrong Thing? Go to school.
Think about the way we set our goals: we want something, we assume it’ll give us what we’re looking for, and we go after it. But research suggests that up to 80% of people return to their baseline level of happiness within weeks or months of achieving a big goal. It’s a phenomenon known as the Arrival Fallacy—believing that a specific achievement will bring lasting happiness. Another is the False Summit Problem, where we think we’ve reached the peak, only to find there’s more to climb. There’s also Hedonic Adaptation, which describes our tendency to adapt to changes and return to a stable level of happiness.
These aren’t just theoretical. They’re realities faced by people who achieve big things. After retiring, around 75% of business owners struggle with severe mental health issues. Nearly the same percentage of athletes face identity loss and depression. If we want to avoid these traps, we have to look deeper.
Estimating Our True Goals
Think of a popular autostereogram, one of those pieces of art that was popular in the 1990’s where you stare at an image until a hidden picture emerges. That’s what we need to do with our Big Goals. Look at them long enough and the real reasons start to surface: Why do you want it? What do you expect to gain? What do you think it will do for you?
I was running recently with a friend preparing to sell his company. He was fixated on hitting a specific dollar amount for financial security. But as we talked, I asked, “What do you want to feel when it’s done? What’s life like six months later? Five years later?” By the end, he realized his True Goal wasn’t about the money. It was about a stress-free marriage, peer respect, and the freedom to mentor young business owners without worrying about charging. The financial goal was only a stepping stone.
When he understood his True Goal, the financial one was easier to pursue, but with greater clarity. Research shows that intrinsic goals—personal fulfillment, growth, relationships—are far more likely to lead to lasting happiness than extrinsic ones like wealth or fame. The sale of his business was now one tool in achieving his deeper goals, not the destination itself.
Test Your Hypothesis
We often make assumptions about what will make us happy without testing those beliefs. “If I had their money, their fame, I’d be happy forever.” But would we? The reality is, we can’t truly know for ourselves what will make us happy without experience, and most people spend years working toward goals only to find them unfulfilling. Life is too short to wait for retirement to find out and we all know people who have more than us that don’t seem nearly as happy as we’d expect them to. (and we probably know some people who do!)
Testing a True Goal can reveal a lot. Let’s say you think respect from others will fulfill you. Try seeking it in your daily life. What do you do that earns respect? Are you getting it consistently? For me, respect is grounded in honesty, hard work, and transparency. So, I actively work to live by those values. In doing so, a few things happen:
Self-Respect: I respect myself every day, and I work to acknowledge that. If I miss the mark, I notice but don’t punish myself; there’s always the next moment to make up for it. Accountability is a close cousin.
Respect from Others: I choose to notice the subtle signs of respect from others and from myself. Deciding to be transparent, honest, and hardworking doesn’t just align with my values, it also creates mutual respect. I know if I do those things regularly, what I’m hoping for will follow in little bites from time to time.
Not Looking for Disrespect: I’m not constantly seeking signs of disrespect. If it really happens, I’ll know, but by focusing on respect, I’m less likely to misinterpret neutral behavior as disrespect.
Why does that last one happen? An essential part of setting ourselves up for success is recognizing Confirmation Bias—the tendency to find what we expect to see. When we look for reasons our spouse annoys us or think a coworker dislikes us, we often find just what we’re looking for. When testing your hypothesis, it’s healthy to understand this to set yourself up for success.
If you struggle with confirmation bias, Bryce Hoffman wrote a solid piece for Forbes on the topic: Confirmation Bias: What It Is And How To Overcome It.
Real Satisfaction from the Journey
Living with True Goals in mind means that every day, I’m reaching them on some level. This isn’t about abstract fulfillment; it’s measurable, tangible, and consistent. That’s the actual way to enjoy the journey. Here’s what it provides:
A clear way to see myself enjoying the journey because I’m actively working toward a True Goal, reaching them on a regular basis big and small;
Learning whether each True Goal I focus onl will keep me content long-term;
The daily reward of knowing my actions align with what I value, giving both internal pride and external respect. Allowing healthy dopamine hits because we’re recognizing ourselves for something good is one of the reasons why the research on intrinsic motivation is so powerful;
Extra motivation to reach my big goals, because I know they align with my True Goals because I’m constantly proving to myself the destination will be worth it.
And when I’m not looking for disrespect or judgment, in this case, I’m not disappointed if they don’t appear. I’m focused on what matters.
If you reach this stage and find that a goal isn’t providing satisfaction, that’s a victory too—congrats! You’ve saved yourself years of work toward something that wouldn’t bring lasting happiness. Test and adjust as you go, refining your True Goals along the way.
Bringing It All Together
For those chasing big dreams, the journey and the goal are inextricable. The goal is grounding, and the process is grounding. They’re both necessary. And yes, this is hard work. It’s challenging to focus on both, to search within ourselves for what will truly make us happy and stay motivated in the process. To stay disciplined and intentional takes time to master—but it’s something within our control, and that’s comforting.
And if you enjoy tackling hard things, this process itself can be fulfilling. Recognizing yourself for doing the work brings a sense of accomplishment. That’s how we turn the cliché of “enjoy the journey” into something actionable.
In a world that seems more chaotic than ever, when it’s easy to be cynical about the state of things, finding and pursuing our True Goals can give us all the joy, contentment, and motivation we need to reach big goals and take on giant challenges along the way.
- Steve
