Half the fun in life
I went to a small high school in Buffalo that was very academically driven. It was a “Division-1- style” powerhouse high school, meaning every single person there was a high achiever of some kind. But with that school came a relatively singular and liberal world-view
From there I went to the University of Florida, which at the time was about 40,000 students. It was a huge flagship school for sports, a true Division-1 NCAA institution, but was not necessarily known for it academics (even though it is a highly-ranked public university).
This meant I was thrust out of my little bubble and into an environment with lots of different backgrounds, perspectives, and values.
For example, one of my teammates was from suburban Birmingham, Alabama. It was the ‘90’s and we were just getting to know each other when a potentially awkward moment surfaced between us.
Somehow, as we were walking out of the Gator Dining Hall on campus in Gainesville, the subject of evolution came up. Maybe it was how drunk we were on the all-you-can-eat buffet that we weren’t quite used to.
Back in 1996, evolution was a hot button topic, much more than it is (sometimes) now. I’d taken an entire year-long course on evolution in high school. I did understand that it was one of the only ones in NY state, but I was taught that evolution was the basis of biology. My assumption was that even if your school didn’t have an evolution class that you would have learned a bit about it in biology class. Especially if you had gone to a public school anywhere in the country.
But my friend was incredulous, and I couldn’t have been more misinformed about his schooling experience.
After I mentioned my belief in evolution (don’t ask me how that topic came up!) he turned to me, shocked. “You think we come from monkeys, dude?”
I shrugged and said, “well, I guess we can’t talk about this.” And we continued on walking back to our dorms with a change of subject.
Without saying it out loud, there was a tacit agreement between us. We could still be friends even if we disagreed with each other on an important topic; we’d find common ground elsewhere.
Looking back, this seemingly insignificant moment was actually a big change point. Both of us had to make a choice: knowing that we had diverging perspectives on the world, we could continue getting to know each other and become friends, or we could let our differences divide us.
I’m very glad we chose the former. We went on to become close friends and even roommates.
Today, I wonder if either of our choice would have been the same. These days, it seems like if we don’t agree 100% on everything, and especially the big rocks, we’re not supposed to be friends with each other.
But that decision — choosing to be open to people who have perspectives different from my own — has served me well in life and is likely the most important piece of my education at the University of Florida. It’s allowed me to have friends who protest pipelines and friends who run them; friends who struggle to get by on a minimal teacher’s salary, and friends who are at the apex of billion dollar companies; friends who are dealing with the aftermath of the tragic Buffalo shooting and advocating for gun control, and friends who staunchly support their right to own guns.
(Where do I draw the line? I’m not sure I have friends who will talk sh*t about the Bills. Just kidding… kind of.)
That’s not to say I’m totally open minded. Sometimes I think I’m becoming less tolerant, which I don’t necessarily feel good about. And there are of course some lines in the sand that I would draw. But I’m glad I got the lesson early on that friendship and sameness don’t have to go together. Maybe it’s even better when they don’t.
For me, half the fun in life is being among different people, learning from them, debating with them, and expanding one’s own point of view out of it. And as I get older, I appreciate it even more.
- Steve
