Making Hard Choices

I recently received an email from Colleen Nesbitt, a former national team athlete who was also a Classroom Champions Athlete Mentor. 

Colleen is on the far right, just after winning the Royal Canadian Henley Regatta in 2016!

I’m sharing a bit of her story today (and my response to it) because if you’re wired for doing hard things you might relate.

Colleen has a big decision to make. Here’s what she told me:

“Two years ago, I was cut from the Canadian National Rowing Team right before the Olympic team was named. I am now attending medical school in Canada, and I’m super excited about this career path — it promises to be rewarding and exciting. 

But watching the Olympics, and my old teammates win gold, I still thought nothing could be better than that. Like you articulated, I fully believed, for so many years, that if I had an Olympic gold medal, I could be homeless and happy. I think I still believe it.

Now, I need to make a decision: do I want to become a surgeon or a general practitioner in a clinical setting? I am struggling to commit to a path because I can’t visualize what could have the same intensity and reward as sport has given me in the past…” 

Over Zoom, Colleen explained that her two options (surgery or clinical) are very different. On the one hand, a surgeon’s life is hard. It requires a lifetime of all-encompassing commitment. It also receives more respect within the medical community (as surgeons, at times, tend to look down upon clinical practitioners.) On the other hand, clinical practice might not be as exciting or esteemed, but it provides a more balanced lifestyle. 

So: which option should Colleen choose? (Which option would YOU choose?)

I don’t pretend to know the answer. I can’t say which option is best for anyone else. All I can do is share how I address big decisions like this in my own life. 

Essentially, I ask myself four questions: 

#1 Why am I pursuing this? 

Give me two options and I’ll pick the hardest one. That’s just how I’m wired. I love the dopamine hit of doing something that I know will make me better (even if it’s a lot less fun or a lot more work than the other options, or even if there’s a solid chance I’ll fail.)

But these instincts aren’t always helpful. Introspection can help offset those impulses.

For example, I asked Colleen: are you chasing adrenaline? If so, I get it — but be careful. Adrenaline is a drug, and like any drug, the initial intensity goes away. If you’re always chasing your next high, you’ll never be satisfied. 

#2 Am I looking backwards or forwards?

If you’ve achieved something big it’s natural to want to recreate that experience. 

I had to come to terms with the fact that my time as an Olympic athlete was over, and that’s okay. When I stopped trying to relive the past and instead focused on building and creating something new, I became a lot happier. 

In Colleen’s case, I asked: are you considering surgery because you think it will recreate your experience of sport? If so, be aware that nothing will ever fully recreate that. It was unique, and it’s over. Grieve it if you need to, and then turn your attention to what else makes you happy. 

#3 Am I trying to re-earn my past achievements?

In my early post-win years I was overwhelmed with imposter syndrome. It took me a little while to realize I don’t have to keep proving myself. 

Finally, it hit me: 

I could get hurt and it didn’t take anything away from the athlete I was/am. 

I can be depressed and it doesn’t take anything away from the leader I’ve been. 

I can fail at all kinds of things and still be proud of everything I’ve accomplished in my life. 

When you’re used to achieving big things it can feel like you have to keep winning. But you don’t—and knowing that is incredibly freeing. 

#4 Can I scale down my “get better” dial? 

I love to get better and that fuels me. It’s what gets me up in the morning. 

And I’m grateful for it. I honestly feel for people who have to look elsewhere for “motivation”. 

But I also know that when my “get better” scale is at 100%, bad things happen. It’s not healthy or sustainable for me, or the other people in my life. 

When I find myself or anyone on my team spinning with perfection, my go-to thought is Voltaire’s “Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” It helps me and others dial it back just enough to move forward. 

I don’t know if these questions will help Colleen — and I’m sure she’ll make the right choice for herself. But they’ve certainly helped me, and if you’re trying to make a big decision, maybe they’ll help you, too. 

- Steve