3 Paris 2024 Medalists and how to handle negative people

This past weekend, I had the absolute pleasure of moderating a conversation with three medalists from Paris 2024: Olympic gold medalist Ethan Katzberg (hammer), Paralympic gold and silver medalist Nate Reich (1500m), and Olympic silver medalist Jessica Sevick (rowing). We were in a room filled with over 400 people from one of the country’s most successful investment firms. In other words, a room full of high-performers with a culture that yells from the hill-tops – act with integrity, pursue excellence, do the right thing.

From left to right: Steve, Jessica Sevick, Nate Reich, Ethan Katzberg.

In retrospect, of the athletes’ stories of grit, resilience, and success—from Jessica and Nate’s traumatic brain injuries at ages 12 and 10, to Ethan’s meteoric rise to become the first Canadian to win a throwing medal in 112 years and the youngest (22) ever to win the event—one core theme stood out to me: personal accountability.  These athletes never blamed other people, no matter how tough their circumstances or environments were. 

Their decision to take responsibility for their own mindset while keeping their eyes on their goal was a refreshing reminder that success is often about how we handle those around us. 

Recently, I’ve seen a number of social media posts, podcasts, and articles with a recurring piece of advice for dealing with negative people: remove them from your life. The reasoning is simple—negative people are bad for your mental health and productivity. One influencer's post highlighted a study where a single negative person in a group led to a 40% drop in task performance, 25% lower quality work, and 50% more conflict.

While this advice is strong and popular (cue the 🔥 emojis), it’s impractical for most and I believe does a disservice to those attempting to gain life perspective and make changes from this advice. The reality is we can’t simply remove every negative person in our lives—many aren’t there by choice. Framing them as the source of your mental health or productivity problems misses a critical point: personal accountability. It’s not just about that one person dragging down the group; it’s also about the group’s inability to manage their reactions or make that person feel included.

In life and in sports, we don’t get to pick everyone in our circle. Whether it's teammates, neighbors, colleagues, or anyone else in our communities, we’re bound to encounter people we don’t get along with. 

Instead of trying to eliminate them from your life, here’s a more effective approach. Learn to navigate their negativity without letting it disrupt your focus. This approach is more realistic, empowering, and helps you grow both personally and professionally.

Here are three approaches that can help manage negativity and keep your eyes on the prize.

But first, the Pre-Work: What’s Your Goal?

Before beginning to deal with negative people, because I’ve encountered plenty that at first glance I would have labeled as such, I’ve found it incredibly valuable to ask myself: What am I trying to achieve (specific to my interactions with this person)? Understanding my goal—whether it’s athletic, personal, or professional—gives me the energy, patience, and motivation to address the negativity without getting dragged down by it. Without a clear objective, negativity can feel overwhelming, like a weight pulling you under. But when your eyes are locked on the bigger picture, you start to see those difficult people not as obstacles but as part of the landscape you have to navigate to get where you’re going.

Further, by approaching the challenge in this way,  you also give yourself an opportunity to practice some key skills that are closely linked to good mental health: 

• Goal-persistence - continuing efforts despite obstacles or setbacks - i.e. the negative person

• Self-mastery - find things to get real good at - i.e. handling negative people, and 

• Positive reappraisal - reframing challenges in a more positive light - i.e. your perspective on the negative person

Now, with your goal in mind, you have the fuel to engage with negative people in productive ways. Here are three approaches to help you stay focused and deal with negative people effectively.

Approach 1: Reframe Their Negativity

The first approach is to reframe how you perceive the negative person’s behavior. Negativity bias—a cognitive tendency to focus more on negative events or experiences—plays a major role here. Our brains are wired to react more strongly to negative feedback or pessimistic outlooks, but we can change that.

In my own athletic career, I saw this firsthand with my coach, Stu McMillan. Many athletes around me viewed his approach as negative or overly critical, but I made a decision early on to see his feedback as constructive. I believed he was pushing me because he wanted to see me succeed. And that shift in perception made all the difference. What some saw as harsh, I saw as helpful, and in the end, it helped me grow and become an Olympic Champion.

Research backs this up: a study published in Emotion found that reframing or reappraising a situation can reduce the emotional impact of stress and negativity (dive deeper on JSTOR, here). By consciously choosing to interpret someone’s negativity differently, you remove its power over your emotional state. The next time a negative person gets under your skin, ask yourself: Can I see this differently? Can I choose to believe they’re pushing me to be better, not tearing me down?

Approach 2: Control Your Emotional Reaction

Let’s face it—immediate emotional reactions are hard to avoid. I’m preaching to my own choir on this one! But here’s the thing: the initial emotional surge only lasts for about 90 seconds. Neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor explains that once those 90 seconds are up, what happens next is in our control. If we continue to feel angry, frustrated, or upset, it’s because we’re choosing to hold onto that emotion and ruminate on it.

In practice, this means that while the negativity from someone might initially frustrate us, it’s within our power to decide how long that feeling lasts. If you let it spiral, frustration can turn into resentment or even anger toward yourself for allowing the situation to get under your skin. This emotional snowball effect is well-documented—research shows that people often cycle through emotions like frustration, anger, and shame when they don’t address their initial reaction.

A simple way to manage this is to recognize the emotion as it arises, name it, and then shift your focus. When frustration creeps in, acknowledge it, but don’t let it take control. 

Like everything else, this takes practice! We need to build the mental and neural pathways around this new skills in order to execute in real-time. Personally, I like to build this pathway (practice) in less emotionally charged situations—which is parallel to doing a sport drill slowly before going fast. Like when Ethan Katzberg demonstrated his Olympic gold medal form by slowly spinning across the stage (captured on Nate Reich’s Insta). If he can’t do it slow, he can’t do it fast.

Managing our emotional reactions is the same thing. I like to practice this in various scenarios, none of which more salient currently than when my beloved Buffalo Bills are having a bad game. It’s easy to let that frustration bubble over, but with practice, I’ve learned to manage my reaction and regain control—producing far less yelling, swearing, and angst. This “low pressure” practice means in high pressure situations, I find I’m better equipped to take accountability for my emotional reactions when the stakes are high. 

Approach 3: Seek to Understand 

Sometimes, the best way to handle negativity is to confront it—but in a thoughtful and curious way. If someone’s negativity is affecting your work or your mindset, don’t shy away from the issue. Instead, invite that person for a coffee or casual chat. Ask them directly what’s been going on and why they feel the way they do. This approach shifts the dynamic from a passive reaction to an active engagement. You might be surprised at how often negativity stems from misunderstanding, stress, or an issue that can be easily resolved.

I’ve used this approach many times, and it often leads to surprising insights. One time, I took this approach with a teammate who always seemed pessimistic about training. It turned out, he wasn’t negative at all—he was dealing with a nagging injury and felt he couldn’t keep up. Once I understood his perspective, I was able to shift how I interacted with him and found new ways to support him.

Harvard psychologist Susan David calls this approach emotional agility—the ability to engage with your emotions in a way that promotes growth and understanding. By seeking to understand the root of negativity, you can defuse its impact and often build stronger relationships in the process.

In the end… Choose Your Approach

You won’t always be able to remove negative people from your life, but you can control how you engage with them and you can control whether you view them as negative or not. And that seems a much more reliable system to lean on, doesn’t it?

Whether it’s reframing their negativity, managing your emotional response, or taking the time to understand them better, these strategies can help you navigate negativity while staying focused on your goals. The next time someone’s negativity threatens to derail you, remember: you have the power to control your reaction and choose how you respond.

In the words of one of the Olympic champions I spoke with, “Negativity doesn’t have to be a barrier. It can be a stepping stone, if you let it.” So, lean in, practice these approaches, and watch how your ability to handle difficult people transforms your path to success.

- Steve