Intentionality, our decision-journeys, and Tua Tagovailoa
Sometimes bad things happen. It’s part of life. Sometimes we see it coming, sometimes we don’t, but we still choose to move forward, despite the risks. It could be a major event like a car accident or the gradual loss of control over our time. Maybe it's a career change with its own risks and rewards. Whatever it is, tomorrow still arrives and we have decisions to make.
Last week (on 9/12/24), football fans saw Miami Dolphins quarterback Tua Tagovailoa sustain what was likely his fourth concussion in three seasons. Instantly, the question echoed across media—should Tua retire?
The answer may feel like an easy one.
In our world of black-and-white thinking, we forget that most decisions are nuanced. Every time I see an athlete taken off the field with a concussion, I’m reminded of my own experiences with head trauma. I’ve buried Olympic teammates due to CTE, and I’ve had my own concussions. I know the mental toll it can take.
People assume I’d push for athletes to prioritize long-term health, and I do. But there’s more to it. I also believe in living fully in the moment. Life’s risks don’t guarantee outcomes—more concussions increase future health risks, but they don’t make them certain.
So, what’s going through Tua’s mind? No one knows, but if I were to counsel him, I’d help him simplify the decision with one of my favorite approaches that I use when coaching others: a “decision-journey” framework. In tough moments, it's crucial to break things down, focus on the journey, and make the best decision for yourself.
1. Start with the end in mind: What are my goals?
This is such a massive part of the equation that none of us know to start off Tua’s decision-journey. What are Tua’s goals in life? What’s most important to him? What does he want to accomplish and how does he hope to feel?
At 26 years old, he started playing football about 20 years ago. He’s been a standout with likely real NFL aspirations by the time he started high school.
He also likely believes he’s made it as far as he has – College National Champion, NFL passer rating leader, NFL passing yards leader – due to his ability to believe in himself and persist through any challenges put in front of him. Including two major concussions during the 2022 season that he successfully came back from to have a dominant season last year to sign a $212 million contract.
But what drives him now? Is it the money? The chance to win a Super Bowl? Or is it the desire to build a life with a family, watching his kids and grandkids grow up?
Many would say the family is the obvious choice—and that’s where I’d land today. But 20 years ago, I was in a similar situation. After suffering three concussions in one season, I faced immediate negative impacts that ended up being long-term (and gradual long-term ones that I’ve already experienced with unknowns to come). But despite the risks, I wouldn’t trade my experiences. The choices I made were right for me at that time..
This is a question you can only decide for yourself. (Just like Tua can only decide for himself.) If you're at a crossroads in your life, pause and ask yourself: what are my most pressing, most important goals above all else?
Once you have gathered your thoughts, you may feel you need to go to others for validation of what decisions you should make. And so…
2. Who will I listen to?
It’s been reported that Tua weighed the decision to continue playing or retire after his tough 2022 season. What we don’t know is who was involved and how the then 24-year-old approached it.
At a critical point like Tua’s, it’s essential to be clear about who you’re seeking input from and why. The “Advocacy Paradox” shows people often give better advice for others than they’d follow themselves. So, you might get plenty of passionate advice from those who wouldn’t act the same way.
For Tua, players who didn't retire after concussions are now urging him to. Are they being hypocritical or offering wise counsel? It’s hard to tell. Meanwhile, people close to him—coaches, family, friends—may be biased, benefiting from his career but reluctant to advise him to continue playing due to potential guilt if something goes wrong. His head coach, Mike McDaniel, stands out for being well-balanced in his public advice, reflecting the strength of their relationship.
The challenge for Tua—and anyone in such a position—is filtering out the noise and focusing on input from those genuinely concerned about his goals since it’s his life. Athletes are accustomed to relying on coaches and staff to make key decisions for them—from training schedules to game strategies. The key is listening to those who seek to understand your goals first, offering insights grounded in experience and objectivity.
Ultimately, it's about prioritizing the voices that offer clear, unbiased perspectives, not those driven by emotion or self-interest once they have an understanding of our goals. Then we can start the hardest part of the decision-journey.
3a. What might my Risks vs Rewards of continuing be?
If you’ve been following along, you know I’m a fan of using lists to make decisions. This step is no different. Breaking down the upsides and downsides of any choice helps strip away the emotion, bringing clarity in moments when big decisions feel overwhelming. Lists offer a way to stay objective when emotions run high - and Psychology Today outlines why that’s important with 4 Ways Emotions Can Screw Up Your Decisions. And when it comes to major decisions, there are always two sides to consider—so, think of it as a "3a and 3b" kind of process.
So, let’s look at this through the lens of Tua’s situation.
The Reward of continuing: On the money side, it’s complicated, according to CBS. His “guaranteed” money isn’t as guaranteed as that word sounds. However, his financial reward if he continues the reward of to play is likely going to be in the $50-$150 million-plus ballpark.
It’s not just about the money. The real reward is the chance to keep doing what he loves. Tua knows that once you're done, you're done. Unlike skiing or golf, you can’t casually relive 95% of the NFL experience. The thrill of being on the field, the camaraderie in the locker room, the intensity of practice, the travel, and the competition—nothing else comes close. The drive to sharpen both mind and body, competing against the best, week after week, is something you just can’t replace.
And then there’s the personal feeling of pride. The reward for Tua could mean spending the rest of his life being able to say he won the Super Bow and was elected to the Football Hall of Fame. That’s a pretty big dream to let go of for someone who likely has never let go of a dream in their life.
What about the risks for someone in Tua's situation? The risks lists in this situation can be summarized a bit quicker, since they are much more severe on their own. One risk is death. Another is a life tormented by mental health struggles. With several concussions already, the research—though still not extensive—suggests he's increasing his chances of mental health issues by 2-4 times compared to someone without a history of concussions.
A June 2023 study in the Journal of Neurotrauma, titled Lifetime Traumatic Brain Injury and Cognitive Domain Deficits in Late Life, highlights the risks Tua faces: repeated concussions increase the likelihood of cognitive decline, psychiatric disorders, and the development of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), a neurodegenerative disease with severe consequences.
Scary stuff. I’ve lived it. Buried guys with it. Not a place anyone wants to be.
When making these lists, it’s not about pros and cons. Instead, focus on identifying the rewards of continuing and the risks involved. At this stage, it's crucial not to assign weight to either side—let the importance reveal itself as you go through the process. The balance will become clear in the end.
And now it’s time for the flip side…
3b. And what are the Risks and Rewards of stopping?
A step that often gets missed in a decision is this: the risks of stopping, other than losing the money. It’s rather obvious to think about the risks of continuing to play (see; bad stuff above) and the rewards of continuing (see 9-figure contract). But the risks of stopping other than the money? Yes, we’ll get there…
Let’s have another look at Tua’s case. We’ll start with what are the potential rewards of retiring?
By retiring now and not sustaining any more concussions via football, he will “stop the bleeding” of his potential future mental decline. His damage will have been done and at 26-years-old, he will have a lot of time and plenty of money to put himself in a position to live a long and healthy life.
He will also remove the now-increased chance that the next concussion will do materially more damage than he’s already done… and that’s without us knowing what he just did to himself.
What about the risks? He will certainly be walking away from quite a lot of money, that is a known. And if money is one of his big goals, he’ll certainly be risking that.
But there are some real unknowns here too. How will the loss of his playing career and childhood dreams when he was so close impact his mental health? How will the question of whether he made the right decision torture him? How will he feel about those people who encouraged him to make a decision, one way or the other? And what will that do to his closest relationships?
There are risks and rewards everywhere for him – and there are no easy answers, even with dozens of calls coming from current and former NFL players and coaches.
Depending on your situation, that may be the case for you too. No matter how much you study, analyze, seek feedback, and try to come up with potential future scenarios, you will never know exactly what will transpire. And that in itself is some of the risk we have to manage.
This is why having the right people involved in the decision-journey is crucial. They’ll help us weigh the risks and rewards, align with our goals, and be there as we reach the end of the decision process.
4. Completing the Decision-Journey with a decision
The good news for Tua is that he does not need to be in a hurry to make this decision. My hope for him is that he’s able to be really honest with himself and what his goals and priorities are, that he has someone he can walk and talk all of his thoughts about the short and long term implications of any decision he makes, explore how he feels and thinks about those implications, and that he’s able to look at all sides of this decision for himself.
My biggest piece of advice to Tua — and for you, if you are working through a major decision of your own — is to strive to make a decision that you are at peace with.
And peace comes from process.
Whether it is stepping to the line of the Olympics knowing you did everything you could, opening the board room doors knowing you prepared as well as possible, or walking into the classroom to teach the lesson you prepped all night for - peace comes from knowing you went through a process that you believe in.
At a certain point, a decision has to be made. No one else can do that for you.
And when you do that, what other people have to say won’t matter. It’s easier to brush off others’ opinions (even when they’re public, and potentially very loud) when you know that you weighed all the options, learned as much as you could, and made the decision that is best for you.
Good luck, Tua, and to everyone else working through a major life decision. I hope you can find your peace through your own process.
- Steve
