Perfect Attendance

What’s one of the most important components of becoming the best in the world at anything?

For me, a huge asset was that I had 100% attendance. I was always present, always committed to the plan. 

I’m not saying I never got hurt or sick or missed training. I’m saying that when I did miss a day, it was deliberate. When I went out with my teammates to have a good time, it was intentional from the beginning of the night. There were never any mistaken “runaway” nights.

Another example of that deliberate nature was our diet. When eating according to a strict nutrition plan, it’s common to have an occasional “cheat meal”. That’s the meal when you eat the cheeseburger and fries rather than the chicken breast and broccoli. I had those meals, but they weren’t “cheat meals” in the way many think of them.

It wasn’t cheating, for us; that meal was part of the plan. And I deliberately, purposefully enjoyed the hell out of it! (In fact, our team’s nutrition coach, Dr. John Berardi, encouraged a 90/10 approach whereby 90% of our meals were to be ‘on-point’ while the other 10% could be ‘cheats’. It’s advice I still lean on today for my regular diet.)

When training for the Olympics - school was always in, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, on Sundays, and Thanksgiving, even on Christmas. 

School was always in session.

I’ve brought this approach back into my life over the past few years after a bit of a hiatus. There was a 4-5 year period that I didn’t live that way once the habits of my athlete-life faded. 

It turns out I don’t like the way I feel, think, look, or behave without the mantra of Perfect Attendance at my fingertips. 

My life lacked routine and I fell short at work and relationships, and it's no coincidence that this is when I experienced mental health struggles.

Now that I’ve brought this “school is always in session” approach back and have much more awareness about it, I’ve come to believe we always have the chance to give our full commitment to the things that really matter to us. And they don’t have to be as rigorous of routines/goals as winning an Olympic medal.

Here’s an example of how this plays out for me today… When it comes to exercise, my workouts themselves are very different than when I was training. (They’re far less intense, and I’m no longer pushing cars uphill as referenced in this recent commencement speech.) But my approach is still basically the same in that if I’m committed, I’m committed. 

I still lay out my workout clothes on the dresser each evening ahead of early morning training. I still follow my training plan, even if I don’t feel like it and if I’ve decided the night before that tomorrow I will take a cold shower before my workout, I will take it. There’s no negotiating with myself.

Turns out, research reinforces that we need to be fully deliberate if we want to make good choices:

“90 to 95% of our decisions and behaviors are constantly being shaped non-consciously by the emotional brain system.”
- Baba Shiv, Stanford GSB. (Quote from this Think Fast, Talk Smart podcast.)

What’s that mean? It means that over 90% of the decisions people make are shaped by their feelings in the moment. Right now. How they feel RIGHT NOW shapes almost all of the decisions the average person makes.

So if we want to make proper choices for ourselves, our teams, and our organizations we better be ready to be deliberate. A lot.

At the same time, I’m also learning to be very intentional about letting go of things that I don’t think are important. This too is part of the plan. Because to me, 100% attendance in life means giving my all to the things that matter, and deliberately NOT giving my all to the stuff that doesn’t. 

If I care about something, I am all in. And if I’ve decided to not be bothered by something - like say, being called a “former Olympian” - I don’t give it a second thought. 

One of the things I recently stopped giving so much attention to was having a perfectly tidy and organized living room. 

The mess in the living room used to bug me every single day! Each evening, I’d come downstairs after putting the kids to bed and feel frustrated by all the toys strewn around. I’d complain to myself while I picked everything up for what felt like the billionth time. (Or, in full transparency and respect to my wife Rhiannon, who often would do the cleanup, I’d sit and stew about it while still not doing anything about it!)

Then a handful of months ago, I saw some random video on Instagram (I can’t recall where it came from) that basically said: you know that mess your kids make? One day, you’re going to miss that mess. One day, there won't be toys to step around, because your kids will be growing up and moving on to other things. And you’ll miss it. 

After that, a lightbulb went off in my head. I thought - that’s true. This is not a forever thing. A messy house from kids playing all day doesn’t make us messy people.

One day I will miss that mess.

So I decided I have no problem with the messy house anymore. When I see it, I smile. I feel grateful for it. And I deliberately give it less attention and attendance. 

Whether I care or not, whether I attend to it or not, it’s a choice. All I have to do is stick with it.

And look - sometimes I’m able to waive my magic wand and get over something - like the house and kids’ toys. Sometimes I have to think it through and then continue to remind myself it shouldn’t be a priority to me, like the former Olympian thing. Sometimes I can shift straight from reverse to drive; and sometimes I need to shift from reverse, to neutral for a time, and then to drive.

So as I try to continually improve the “attendance” in my life, I recognize it’s not easy.  I try to reinforce my behavior by acknowledging my effort and success when I do get things right.

I invite us all to do the same!

- Steve