Uncertain? Stockdale Paradox The Hell Out Of It
On March 13th, 2015 I walked into my first meeting of the U.S. Olympic and Paralympic Committee (technically it was still U.S.O.C.) Board of Directors and I instantly loved it.
The conversations were incredibly intruiging to me. The Olympic Movement had been a part of my life for so long, both as something aspirational, and as something I actually lived. So it felt thrilling to approaching the movement from a whole new angle. Some of the content of the discussions was familiar, some was brand new. Many of the board members had expert opinions as CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies or accomplished marketers.
I felt confident walking into that first meeting, knowing that I belonged. After all, I had been to three Olympics, came from the NCAA, and started an organization based on, in many ways, the Olympic values. By the end of that meeting, I wasn't quite as sure.
Coming out of the meeting, I remember having two distinct thoughts.
My first thought was: “This is moving really fast and, if I’m being honest with myself, I’m having a hard time keeping up.”
My second thought was: “I am going to do my absolute damndest to figure this out.”
Looking back, I think my approach was a pretty good one: be honest about what you don’t know, and be committed to figuring it out. Reflecting on it now, it reminds me a bit of the “Stockdale Paradox”.
Admiral Jim Stockdale was the highest-ranking United States military officer in the “Hanoi Hilton” prisoner-of-war camp during the height of the Vietnam war. Held captive for eight years, he was tortured more than twenty times. He credited his longevity and eventual release to his willingness to see reality and has been quoted as saying it was the optimists - those who were certain they’d be out by Christmas, or Easter, or Thanksgiving and eventually died of broken hearts - who were the ones who didn’t make it out.
The Stockdale Paradox says:
“You must maintain unwavering faith that you can and will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties, and at the same time, have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”
Sometimes this combination of humility and curiosity (which looks a lot like a growth mindset - here’s a great piece by Inside Higher Ed: What Boards Are Missing: Curiosity) can be missing in high-performing environments and places where important decisions take place. Sometimes our egos are too big to have that realistic stance, especially in front of other big egos.
So, what does this mean for you/me and our pursuit of getting better at things? How can we leverage this when we’re feeling uncertain? Here’s what I’ve learned so far.
1. Asking questions helps the person you’re asking, just as much as it helps you.
When you have to answer questions about something you know, you are forced to clarify your meaning. You get to know your stuff even better. As a result, if we question each other we both grow. By asking a question it doesn’t automatically mean, “I don’t know this, please help me.” Or sometimes it does and that’s ok.
2. Giving up on something, or someone, because we don’t understand it/them is a cop-out.
I’ve seen some very senior, successful people choose not to pursue good ideas or important discussion points claiming simply that they “don’t understand”, as if that nullifies the idea’s potential. If we don’t understand the onus is on us to ask the person to explain it to us and help us understand. (Here’s a trick: ask the person to explain the concept to you like you're a ten-year-old. It works!)
If we’re being honest with each other, I think the reason most people hesitate to ask questions is that they don’t want to look stupid. Don’t let this stop you. Remember, you’re doing the expert a favor by helping them become more effective at explaining themselves.
(Dive deeper on this subject with the great Forbes piece, Curiosity: Why It Matters, Why We Lose It And How To Get It Back.)
3. True expertise goes hand-in-hand with simplicity.
I’ve learned that when people are indeed experts, they will be able to explain things to me in very simple terms. If they’re not, they’ll say thinks like “the consultants said it’s not important,” but they won’t be able to explain why.
Seeking simplicity of response from experts and consultants I work with is key; and being able to explain a complex idea to my five-year-old is what I strive for when communicating. (I’m a LONG ways away from being that good of a communicator, but, ya know, goals.)
With these three things in mind, I’m learning to seek out true expertise, sniff out the BS and pompousness, put my ego aside, and ramp up my curiosity.
When I do that, I learn more — and I get better.
When I don’t, it’s 50/50 at best!
- Steve
