The Tug of War Between Gratefulness and Discontent in Pursuit of Greatness

Anyone striving to do big things often find themselves in a silent, internal battle—one between the pull of gratefulness and the push of discontent. 

As someone who's had the privilege of competing in sport at the highest levels, and both leading others through Classroom Champions and coaching others through my advisory work, I've seen firsthand how this battle can play out, both positively and negatively.

I recently had the pleasure of speaking to Christian Taylor, or “CT” as those in the know call him, about this very issue. CT impresses me not just because he's the only two-time Olympic gold medalist ever in the triple jump or because he's a fellow Florida Gator and Classroom Champions mentor and Board Director, but because of the kind-hearted, humble person he is. Recently, spoke with CT shortly before he headed to Gainesville, FL to wrap up his professional track and field career with a final meet, and our conversation leading up to that day got me thinking.

In our conversation, CT acknowledged he wasn't looking forward to the fanfare that comes along with one’s “final” competition as it makes him uncomfortable. He admitted he tends to deflect credit and brush off compliments. It's a classic high-performer move. But I couldn't let him off the hook that easily. 

I asked him: "What if, when someone compliments you, you just say thank you? No buts, no explanations—just thank you." It was a simple suggestion, but it hit at something deeper: the tension between allowing ourselves to be grateful for what we've accomplished, and the fear that doing so might somehow make us complacent.

The Drive of Discontent

People like CT, and many others I've known across various fields, often train themselves to stay discontent. They see it as the fuel that keeps the fire burning, the edge that keeps them sharp. It's not that they don't feel any sense of appreciation —they just don't let themselves dwell on it. They're afraid that if they start to feel too good about what they've done, they'll lose the hunger that got them there in the first place. They’ve seen it happen to others, and they’re scared to fall into that “trap.”

Throughout much of my Olympic career, I was known for this mindset. A vivid memory comes from 2009, just before we were announced as World Champions in Lake Placid—the first U.S. team to achieve this in 50 years. As we stood behind the podium, I turned to Justin Olsen, my teammate in only his second year and my mentee, and said, “It’s not this f***ing easy.” My intent was to prevent him from feeling any sense of accomplishment, as our ultimate goal was Olympic Gold, not this moment. After eight years of striving for that World Championship goal myself, I feared that any satisfaction now might weaken his motivation for the following year. Whether it was right or wrong, that was how I acted.

There is a lot of research exploring the value of keeping a high bar for “satisfaction” among high-achieving populations - and it appears to be very effective. Much of this research revolves around dopamine use — both depleting our stores and building them up. (Andrew Huberman dives in around the 59:55 mark of this transcript and audio of the episode Controlling Your Dopamine For Motivation, Focus & Satisfaction. But the entire episode is fantastic.)

But this strategy comes with a cost. It's a mindset that can lead to a perpetual cycle of "not enough." No matter what you achieve, it never quite satisfies. The next goal, the next challenge, always looms larger, and the cycle continues. (There’s some very interesting work out of Florida State University that looks at the downside of this in a paper aptly titled Dysregulation of brain dopamine systems in major depressive disorder.)

The Power of Gratefulness

On the other hand, there’s gratefulness. Acknowledging your achievements, and allowing yourself to feel proud, even for a moment, can be incredibly powerful. It's not about resting on your laurels—it's about recharging, about giving yourself the energy to keep going. About allowing in that dopamine hit of self-actualized achievement. And here's the kicker: a little bit of gratefulness can actually make you more motivated, not less.

Yet, this concept often feels counterintuitive to high performers. We’re taught to believe that contentment is the enemy of progress, and that if we let ourselves feel too good, we’ll lose our drive. But the reality is, balancing gratefulness with discontent can create a more sustainable path to success.

For more on this — Positive Psychology provides a fantastic look at the benefits of gratitude in The Neuroscience of Gratitude and Effects on the Brain, including the impact on dopamine and other neurochemicals, commitment levels, happiness, and sleep and stress effects.

Striking the Balance

Living entirely in discontent is exhausting. It’s like running a race where the finish line keeps moving further away. In my personal experience and from working with others, many athletes live for years, even decades, in this mode 95% of the time and it causes major issues that take years to work through, if ever. On the flip side, living entirely in gratefulness can dull the edge that pushes us to achieve more. The trick, I’ve come to realize, is finding a way to live in both worlds—to use discontent as a tool to push forward while letting gratefulness keep you grounded.

When I was leading Classroom Champions, this balance was crucial. By creating an environment where both gratefulness and ambition are celebrated, we saw tangible improvements in our culture, in trust levels, and in the overall engagement of our team. In working with individual leaders, founders, and high-performing athletes and musicians, I see an awakening to explore different mindsets and move along the continuum between Gratefulness and Discontent.

It’s not about choosing one over the other—it’s about knowing when to lean into each. Feeling that accepting praise will scuttle motivation is going to be more of a myth than reality, unless you are accepting that praise numerous times per day, every day.

Christian’s Moment of Clarity

When I suggested to Christian that he simply accept the praise at his final meet, it wasn’t just about being polite—it was about letting himself feel the weight of what he’d accomplished and giving the gift to others to fully celebrate and take inspiration from him. It was about giving himself permission to be proud. And you know what? It made a difference. In a note he sent me afterward, he expressed how much that simple act of saying “thank you” meant to him. It wasn’t just words; it was a moment of genuine connection with everything he’d worked so hard to achieve.

Posted with Christian Taylor's permission. Please excuse the typos.

Bringing It All Together

The takeaway here isn’t just for athletes or high achievers—it’s for all of us. Whether you’re chasing an Olympic dream or working toward personal goals, the balance between gratefulness and discontent is key. Be intentional in your use of discontent to push through challenges, but don’t forget to sprinkle in gratefulness along the way. Celebrate the small wins, and let them fuel your journey.

Ultimately, the goal isn’t to live in a constant state of either gratefulness or discontent, but to learn how to navigate on the sliding scale continuum between the two. By doing so, we can create a life where we not only achieve great things but also take the time to appreciate them. This is something I’ve come to understand more deeply in recent years, and it’s made all the difference—not just in my career, but in how I approach life as a whole.

So, the next time you’re faced with a moment of praise or recognition, take a page from CT’s book: just say thank you. Let yourself feel the weight of your achievements, and then use that feeling to propel you toward whatever comes next.

- Steve