Leadership and Role Models: A Conversation on Accountability
Last week, the Paralympic Games lit up screens across the world with their Opening Ceremony in Paris. But in my home, something just as meaningful was unfolding on a smaller scale—on our living room couch. As a standing rule, mornings are a no-TV zone in our house, but the Olympics and Paralympics are exceptions, so there I was with my seven-year-old daughter, both of us glued to the screen.
She was clearly excited about the chance to watch TV so early in the day—parental bribery at its finest—and I was eager to share the experience with her. As we watched the athletes, she started asking questions. A lot of questions. Why are some people in wheelchairs? Why is that person so small (dwarfism)? How do you play basketball without legs? I could see her mind working through the images on the screen, trying to make sense of it all.
And this is a child who has far more exposure to people with disabilities than most, having spent time with friends of mine like Dan Cnossen (a Paralympian who lost both legs in Afghanistan while a Navy SEAL) and other athletes with disabilities.
We dove into a conversation that I knew was more than just about sports. It was a chance to talk about choices—how we choose to see and treat people who might be different from us, and how those choices reflect who we are inside. But the conversation didn’t stop there. It quickly turned into a discussion about something even more personal: the choices she makes every day, like who she plays with at school and the words she uses with her friends.
It struck me then, as it often does, that these moments are where leadership begins—not just in boardrooms or on stages, but in the small, seemingly insignificant decisions we make and the conversations we have with those looking up to us. Research out of Australia shows that kids don’t just listen to what we say—they watch what we do. They’re little sponges, soaking up our actions and attitudes, and that shapes who they become. Much of the impact at schools leveraging Classroom Champions is based on this concept, as well as fascinating work done by University of Michigan researcher Dr. Susan Gelman in this NIH nerd-overview: Learning from Others: Children’s Construction of Concepts. :-)
As leaders, whether of companies, teams, or families, I believe we’re constantly modeling behavior. Every decision we make, every friend we choose, every action we take, sends a message. And it’s not just children who are watching—our colleagues, employees, and peers are, too. Research shows that the people we surround ourselves with can have a profound impact on our success and well-being—and I want my children, my friends, and my colleagues to truly understand this. Are we really the average of the 5 people we surround ourselves with? on thebrilliance.org goes deeper on the concept of the influence others have on us, and us on them - a highly suggested read.
By now as I sat there on our couch talking through these ideas with our daughter that this had shifted into helping her understand that the choices she makes matter—not just for her, but for the people around her. She may be seven, but the seeds of accountability and leadership are planted early, and it’s our job to nurture them.
To that end, parent or a leader, I’m a firm believer that one of the greatest (and most productive) gifts you can give someone is sowing the seeds that they matter, their actions matter, and their opinions matter. The world will not always give that back to them, but developing a core belief in personal “mattering” has several important consequences.
And yes - the concept of “mattering” has the ability to sound “soft” when we’re talking about it through a leadership lens. So, here is the hard science, as highlighted in this New York Times piece, Why “Mattering” is a Key Part of Mental Health:
Research suggests that people who feel like they matter experience more self-compassion, relationship satisfaction, and greater belief in their capacity to achieve their goals, while lack of mattering is associated with burnout, self-criticism, anxiety, depression, aggression and increased risk of suicide.
As a parent, that’s a slam dunk. As a leader, employees who display self-compassion turn that into perseverance to accomplish tasks and push through hard times, employees who display relationship satisfaction are significantly better teammates to build a high-performing team around, and employees who have a greater belief in their capacity to achieve goals - well, they turn that belief into action and they thusly achieve bigger goals, faster.
And then, in typical seven-year-old fashion, my daughter pivoted. Mid-conversation, she decided that her current favorite stuffed animal from her Grammy, “Carebear”, was excited to go outside and play in the rain. Off she went, leaving me with the lingering thought of our conversation. It was one of those moments where you wonder if any of it actually sank in. But as every parent and leader knows, the lessons we teach don’t always show their impact right away.
That morning served as a powerful reminder for me that leadership isn’t just about the big decisions—it’s about the small, everyday choices that add up over time. The friends we choose, the way we handle difficult conversations, the examples we set, how we treat ourselves—these are the things that define us as leaders. And they’re the things that others—whether they’re our children, our employees, or our peers—will remember and emulate.
So, as we again celebrate the achievements of exceptional individuals and teams this week in Paris, let’s also take a moment to reflect on our own choices. Are we modeling the kind of behavior we want to see in others? Are we surrounding ourselves with people who lift us up and hold us accountable? Because at the end of the day, life and leadership is about more than just what we achieve—it’s about how we achieve it and who we bring along with us.
And let’s not forget, even when it seems like they’re not listening—like when they’re more interested in a teddy bear’s rainy day adventure—our actions speak louder than words.
- Steve
