Harvard’s Secret to a Happy Life
It’s no secret that I’ve been hyper-focused these past few years on what makes a better, longer life. Recently, people like Dr. Andrew Huberman and Dr. Peter Attia have been influential, among many others.
What’s repeated by many experts is there are three main, broad buckets that help us live happier, longer lives:
Nutrition - Exercise - Relationships
For many, myself included, the first two are things we have no problem focusing on. What we eat and whether we exercise - we understand we have control over them and they are, generally, our choices. They’re also very quantifiable so it's relatively easy to judge how well (or how poorly) we're doing with them.
The last one, relationships, can feel a bit more out of our control. Which is natural considering a relationship, by definition, is a two-way street.
So when I heard that researchers at Harvard were releasing the current results of an over 80-year study examining health and happiness, I was immediately interested.
Here’s what I learned, what I’m working on next, and how you can join me in a little self-evaluation…
The key to health and happiness? Good relationships.
In no uncertain terms, the key to lasting health and happiness, according to co-authors Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz, is good relationships.
"For 84 years (and counting), the Harvard Study has tracked the same individuals, asking thousands of questions and taking hundreds of measurements to find out what really keeps people healthy and happy…
One crucial factor stands out... It's not career achievement, or exercise, or a healthy diet. Don't get us wrong; these things matter (a lot). But one thing continuously demonstrates its broad and enduring importance:
Good relationships.
If we had to take all 84 years of the Harvard Study and boil it into a single principle for living, one life investment that is supported by similar findings across a wide variety of other studies, it would be this: Good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period."
So what do we do with this information?
The good news is the study’s authors actually do lay out a variety of ways to actually work on improving our relationships, rather than just share the results.
Meaning, for me at least, a wonderful opening into something I’d love to get even better at - that third leg of the stool - relationships.
Don’t get me wrong - I feel this is a relatively strong suit of mine. But like everything else, I want to get better at it. I look at behemoth relationship builders/outrageously successful human beings and friends like Mawer Investment Management’s Craig Senyk, Ovintiv’s Brendan McCracken, or Paine Schwartz Partners’ Dexter Paine - and I realize I’m still in the minor leagues.
So far, my favorite summary of this is a piece on Inc.com, An 80-Year Harvard Study Found the Secret to a Happy Life. These 9 Simple Habits Make It Possible.
Before we go any further, I’m going to go ahead and reframe this one for us. I like to look at these as skills, not habits. The idea of “habits” suggests they are either things we do, or don’t do. But I see them as skills we can learn and or continue to strengthen. When we frame them as skills, we can see that they are things we can deliberately work on, and ultimately get better at. Here are the 9 skills at a glance:
1. Take stock of your relationships.
2. Nurture casual relationships.
3. Make time for conversations.
4. Cultivate kindness.
5. Volunteer.
6. Learn to apologize.
7. Ask questions.
8. Express your love.
9. Be willing to be vulnerable.
It’s easy to look at those skills and think, “yeah, that’s kind of obvious!”
But think about them for a moment, and you might start to realize—as I did—that you can envision improving all of them in some way. There is no “perfect” or “maxed-out” in any of them.
I look at it this way: If I really want to have a better, longer life, it makes sense for me to prioritize these skills, the same way I prioritize and habitualize my physical skills like exercise and nutrition.
And that’s where the self-evaluation comes in…
Take stock of our habits: good, emerging, or weak
Considering the 9 skills, I decided to conduct a little self-assessment.
I asked myself:
1. Which of these skills am I already pretty good at?
2. Which are emerging skills—things I’m starting to get better at?
3. And which are weak skills—areas where I know I have room for improvement?
Here’s what I came up with…
Good:
⭐Nurture casual relationships
⭐Make time for conversations
⭐Volunteer
Emerging:
🫥Take stock of your relationships
🫥Be willing to be vulnerable
🫥Learn to apologize
Weak:
👎Cultivate kindness
👎Ask questions
👎Express your love
Now, before anyone thinks to email assuring me that I’m not completely terrible when it comes to kindness, asking questions, and expressing love - let me assure you I’m not berating myself. This is really just a rough assessment, a way to consider which skills I’d like to improve upon, and how to focus my efforts. I feel that I am objectively worse at those three than the others. (And I actually have some data on this, thanks to a recent 360 review.)
Now it’s your turn
I created a very brief, anonymous form for you to conduct your own self-assessment, and share your answers with me.
CLICK HERE TO RESPOND TO THE FORM
Once the data is in, I’ll report back on my findings. Which habits are most of us struggling with? Which ones do most people generally feel pretty good at? I’ll share the results.
As I said, the form is completely anonymous. If you’d prefer not to fill it out, you can simply use the self-assessment as a prompt for future reflection.
But if you DO fill it out, I think we might learn some interesting things about ourselves.
Meanwhile, thanks to those of you who use this email newsletter as a chance to practice Skill #3: Make time for conversations.
I always appreciate you writing to me and sharing your thoughts. Turns out it’s healthy for both of us! #WhoKnew #HarvardKnew
- Steve
